LOVE Island Australia is here and the series is about to grace us with some of the finest mind the country has to offer.
Just kidding, it’s a parade of sex-mad reality stars, musclebound blokes and sun-drenched bikini bodies – and it all starts tonight.
Here we reveal the characters we can look forward to seeing on ITV2 – from a born-again Christian to an X-rated Only Fans star.
What could possibly go wrong? Let the trouble begin…
THE GIRLS
Cartier, 19
This lifeguard and born-again Christian has only one man in her life – Jesus. Well, almost.
She says: “I love Jesus, he has changed the way I see things.” However, she’s also on the lookout for a “sexy and rugged” man.
It’s fair so say she might not be used to the Love Island chat-up techniques, admitting: “When I’m out, they just stare at me and that’s it.”
Cynthia, 23
Dear sweet Cynthia thinks Love Island is a good place to find a partner because it “makes the ground-work easier”.
Despite the show’s dismal record at keeping couples together she said: “Everyone is there for the right reason, at least hopefully it will be like that.
“I also think it will be something fun and really different, and the opportunity of a lifetime.”
Jessie, 23
Waitress Jessie is convinced she’s going to find a man – even if she does reckon she sounds a bit, well, stupid.
She explained: “I would say I do come across as ditzy, I do speak too fast sometimes for my brain to comprehend what I’m saying.”
Problematic? Not in Love Island.
Vanessa, 24
Only Fans star Vanessa signed up to Love Island after her last break-up and has three things she wants in a man.
She said: “I want to find a man who is driven.” Yep, sounds like Love Island constants. “A man that is fit and who goes to the gym.” OK, not a problem.
“And I hate lies, even little white lies, that is totally off putting for me.” Uh-oh.
Cassie, 27
It wouldn’t be reality TV without the idealistic love-struck British girl – and here she is with all her tattoos.
Cassie is from London but has been living in Sydney for the past six years. She said she has many different personalities.
Among them are the “wild child”, a “silly” one a “real sweet and innocent one” one that screams “don’t p**s me off” and, intriguingly, “random”. A regular pick’n’mix.
THE BOYS
Sam, 28
The globe-trotting international DJ has put his passport away for a bit to find love in the villa.
But don’t expect it to be easy – because he says he is “very picky” after not dating for seven years.
He added: “I definitely know there are going to be dramas and clashes.” Seen the show before, have we?
Gerard, 23
This hunky lad is a personal trainer with a deep and meaningful side, he insists.
He says: “It isn’t just about looks for me. I’m an emotional guy looking to connect with people on a meaningful level.”
And having been single for a year now and never had a one-night stand, we can only assume he’s looking to connect quite urgently.
Adam, 27
Plasterer and model Adam is coming into the villa on the back of a dating history he describes as “dismal” complaining: “I’ve never really had a proper girlfriend.”
However, he is wedded to the allure of Lady Plaster, explaining: “The boys on the site don’t mind the modelling, they take the p**s out of you, you’re the talk of the town.
“It’s a mix. Plastering is good coin, and modelling is good fun, it doesn’t feel like you are working.”
Maurice, 27
Sounding more like an Apprentice star than a Love Islander, Maurice claims: “I am another breed of person, I’m the whole package.”
OK mate, Lord Sugar’s not watching. But the media executive is positive about finding love.
He said: “I could really find the right girl with the thrill of being on a TV show as well.”
Love Island Australia starts tonight at 9pm on ITV2 and available on the ITV Hub
