CHOOSING between Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn to run the country is like opting for cystitis or haemorrhoids.
Surely we deserve better than a bumptious, entitled buffoon and a chippy ex- student inhabiting No10. Are these two really the brightest and the best? Obviously not. But with politics becoming ever more divisive and toxic, they are all we have left.
Lets be honest. What normal human being would want to be part of such a cesspit? As we are all well aware, the past three years have seen a constipated parliament unable, or unwilling, to sort out Brexit, forcing us all into a nightmarish version of Groundhog Day.
I believe the idea of a European referendum was the height of stupidity by a spooked David Cameron who wanted to neuter Nigel Farage. When the nation voted Leave, Cameron was the first to abandon ship.
Never mind women and children first. He was rowing away from a Titanic mess in a lifeboat stuffed with like-minded, snivelling clowns, leaving poor Theresa May behind playing an out-of-tune piano with the rest of the ships doomed orchestra. Mrs May foolishly called an election that was a personal disaster, then was worn down until she had to step aside.
Boris Johnson thought he could bluster and blag his way to a solution and promised we would exit the EU a couple of days ago, on Halloween. For all his blather about dying in a ditch, he couldnt deliver.
So here we are, facing a pre-Christmas election at a time when distrust of politicians has never been higher and our expectations have been never lower. It is easy to dismiss the whole bloody lot of them as a waste of time.
But there ARE some decent MPs who want to make a difference. Sadly, some are unwilling to put up with the scrutiny and vilification the job now entails and many are heading out the door.
WE DESERVE BETTER
Female MPs, in particular, have been subjected to online abuse that chills the blood. As well as death threats, they have had to deal with vile monsters threatening rape and other violent attacks. Its horrific to have to cope with such hideous abuse on a daily basis. I cant blame them for quitting in despair.
Their fears are real. We saw that with the tragic murder of MP Jo Cox in 2016. She was a wife and mother who wanted to make the world a better place and do the best possible job for her constituents. Its a real pity the MPs now calling it a day are mainly moderates who were calm voices of reason amid all the shrieking and howling from extremists on both sides of the political divide.
Heidi Allen, a Tory who joined the Lib Dems, can no longer cope with the nastiness and intimidation which has become the norm in Parliament. Culture Secretary Nicky Morgan is leaving because the abuse towards her has had a clear impact on her family.
The Tory and the Labour leaderships should hang their heads in shame at allowing such an appalling situation to develop. They should have called off their attack dogs and clamped down on cowardly online trolls.
There have always been robust arguments and passionate debates in politics but nothing like the sheer hatred and aggression Brexit has unleashed. MPs were used to attacks from opposing parties. But now some of the worst abuse comes from inside.
Left-wing extremists threaten deselection for Labour MPs who even whisper about their discontent with Corbyn. Tories find themselves booted out for failing to toe the line. Sadly, the next six weeks will see even more of this aggression as we have to listen to hate-filled rants and ludicrous, undeliverable promises to secure our votes.
It is strange to think that Westminster was respected and admired not so very long ago. I honestly dont think those days will ever return. We deserve so much better.
Hooray for R&J
SOME welcome good news comes in the form of Richard and Judy, who will pop back on to our TV screens to front the show they helped make such a huge success.
It was meant to be a one-off when they presented This Morning a couple of weeks ago. But viewers were so excited, R and J have an open invitation to return.
The stumbling block has always been because Judy was reluctant to return to live national TV. But Richard told me this week she really enjoyed herself and loved reconnecting with This Mornings loyal audience.
Richard was quick to stress that they are not after anyones jobs or in the market for a permanent return but it would be lovely to pop in now and again. Im delighted. They are both total pros who make it all look delightfully easy and relaxed.
They also have the sort of public affection only enjoyed by the Queen and Dame Judi Dench.
Ben: Pain goes on
IT is heartbreaking to think Ben Needham would have turned 30 this week. He has been for ever frozen in time as that little blond toddler playing in the Greek sunshine before going missing on Kos back in 1991.
Brave mum Kerry has never once stopped fighting to discover the truth. Three years ago, British police finally conducted a thorough investigation.
They believe Ben was killed in an accident involving a digger on a building site on the island, where his grandad worked and close to where the family lived at the time. Despite handing over their evidence to authorities on the island, there have been no further attempts to find Bens body.
Poor Kerry should have been celebrating her grown-up sons milestone birthday, perhaps with her daughter-in-law and grandchildren. Instead, her agony continues.
She has no closure, no grave to visit and is no nearer to finding out exactly what happened to her son almost three decades ago.
Spooky Michelle’s my belle
I CANT wait to see what Michelle Visage and Giovanni Pernice have in store for us on Strictly Come Dancing. Last week their Halloween routine was perfection and Michelle foxtrotted around the floor like a gothic goddess.
She was my tip to make the final even before the first steps were taken in this years competition. I knew Michelle had the sass, talent and work ethic to go all the way. I love that shes flying the flag for the over-50s while exuding buckets of sex appeal.
Dont forget that for years Michelle suffered with a serious autoimmune disease she believes was caused by her breast implants. She has only just recovered from surgery to have them removed.
Michelle is a steel magnolia and the best is yet to come. So make sure you give her and Giovanni your vote.
My time to shine
A HUGE thank you to everyone who has been so positive about Shine, my book out this week.
With my 60th birthday coming up at the end of this month, it felt like a good time to reflect and take stock. I also wanted to share all of the knowledge and advice Ive acquired from so many of the guests and experts Ive met over the 35 years Ive been on TV.
So I decided to put it all into a book that will hopefully give useful tips and information to make your life better. I want it to be a book you can have by your bedside, to dip into when you need a bit of a confidence boost or advice on looking good and feeling great.
Im doing some signings on Saturday, so do pop in and say hello at WHSmith in Glasgows St Enoch Centre at noon and at Waterstones on Princes Street in Edinburgh at 4pm.
I’ll just go with the Flo
I WAS in the US last week, going through astronaut training at Nasa. I will tell you about that very soon. But I also managed a couple of days to recover in Floridas Key West. My husband and I had no idea that at this time of year there is a little event called Fantasy Fest. Well. What an eye-opener that was.
Exhibitionists and fun- seekers from all over the world converge on the most southerly part of mainland America to let it all hang out…literally. There were boobs and bums of all ages, shapes and sizes squeezed into teeny-tiny costumes that left nothing to the imagination.
Some brave souls were out and about in nothing more than expertly applied body paint. I was a bit bemused at first and obviously I refrained from joining in.
But it is amazing how quickly you get used to someone wearing nothing but a leather posing pouch standing at the bar talking to you about the latest Trump baloney.