IN their very different ways of dealing with coronavirus, the Queen and James Bond reflect our mixed emotions right now.
Should we keep calm and carry on? Or lose our cool and panic buy?
The Queen is clearly not cowed by coronavirus.
Perhaps it is easier to keep a sense of perspective when you had the Luftwaffe bombing your house as a teenager.
But at 93, the Queen is in the most at-risk age group.
Her Majesty also has a 98-year-old husband who has not been in the best of health.
So if anyone could be forgiven for cancelling their appointments for the duration of this national emergency, it is the Queen.
And yet Her Majesty steadfastly goes about her business while being mindful that we are in the middle of a health crisis.
This week she took the sensible precaution of donning gloves for the first time ever as she was handing out gongs at Buckingham Palace.
She calmly and good-naturedly did her duty, just as she has been doing for the last 68 years.
Thanks to the quiet courage so typical of the Queen — and so typical of her World War Two generation — it was very much business as usual at Buckingham Palace.
The James Bond franchise, on the other hand, has been badly shaken and stirred by coronavirus.
SHAKEN AND STIRRED
The producers of new 007 film No Time To Die have pushed the April release back to November. Oh James!
Bond producers Barbara Broccoli and Michael Wilson say the last-minute decision to postpone the film was made “after careful consideration and thorough evaluation of the global theatrical marketplace.”
That sounds like the film has been pulled for commercial reasons rather than anything to do with deep concerns about public health.
And fair enough — because apart from the makers of hand sanitisers, almost every business is going to take a hard knock from coronavirus.
But is putting normal life on hold until the end of the year really the way to deal with coronavirus? Is it ultimately even good for business?
Struggling luxury car manu-facturer Aston Martin were looking forward to the Bond film boosting their sales — Aston Martin have four cars in Never Say Die — but now the firm will have to navigate most of 2020 without the help of 007. I had already bought my tickets to see No Time To Die on the day it was scheduled to come out, Thursday, April 2.
Frankly, seeing Ana de Armas as CIA agent Paloma in a cocktail dress slashed to the thigh wielding a semi-automatic felt like just what the doctor ordered in these difficult times.
But perhaps the Bond producers are right. Who knows how bad things will be by next month?
It is possible nobody will feel like going to the pictures at the start of April, not even a hardcore Bond nut like me. This health emergency will get a lot worse before it gets better.
But even with the tragic news of the first deaths in the UK, so far we have got off lightly compared with other European countries.
Escalation here seems inescapable, even if we all radically improve our personal hygiene. But whatever happens over the next couple of months, panic will only make it infinitely worse.
We must all make our own decisions now about the risks we are prepared to take. But I can’t fight the feeling that James Bond has just wimped out big time.
The Queen and 007 are our most famous British icons, forever linked after their brilliant double-act at the opening of the London 2012 Olympics, when Daniel Craig rocked up at the Palace and the Queen (allegedly) parachuted into the Olympic stadium before the opening ceremony.
COMMON SENSE
And it is our 93-year-old monarch who is showing her nation how to act in the face of coronavirus.
With her common sense, her calm and her bravery, the Queen has a lesson for us all. Do everything you can to keep yourself and others safe. But don’t stop living your life.
The Queen, I suspect, would approve of Tinder’s advice to users to keep a “social distance” from potential partners.
“While we want you to continue to have fun, protecting yourself from the coronavirus is more important,” urges the dating app.
That seems like a sensible precaution for all young lovers. More hand sanitiser, darling?
You mutt be joking
DOG walker Lucy Hignett, 19, was understandably shocked and appalled when a parish magazine misprint suggested that her firm, Lead The Way, offered a “dog w***ing” service.
Lucy, of Thorndon, Suffolk, said: “It was an absolutely horrendous situation. This was not my error. My ad was fine when I sent it.”
Lucy’s mum Rachel commented, “You can imagine the amount of calls, texts and emails.
“Many of which are supportive but many disgusting.”
We can imagine! I mean, I’ve heard of spoiling your dog with treats, but that would be ridiculous.
(Not so) model Maria
THE tennis world was sniffy when Maria Sharapova announced her retirement from the sport.
Her suspension for a failed drugs test. The declining talents that sent Sharapova tumbling down the rankings.
And the unspoken resentment that Maria’s appeal had as much to do with the way she looked as her cross-court backhand.
But it takes some guts to keep playing a sport where you once won five Grand Slams and are suddenly ranked at number 373 in the world.
Especially when you have career earnings of more than £30million.
“In giving my life to tennis,” Sharapova said in her surprisingly touching goodbye, “tennis gave me a life.”
And as Maria demonstrates, no other world-class athlete could pass for a top model quite so convincingly.
Sorry, it’s over to EU
TURKEY’S president Recep Erdogan can no longer be bribed by the European Union into providing shelter for millions of refugees from Syria and beyond.
“The doors are now open,” sneered Erdogan. “Now you [in Europe] will have to take your share of the burden.”
Turkish people traffickers are slashing their prices, promising to get refugees into the EU for just £11.
With Turkey unwilling to keep the refugees any longer and countries in the EU unwilling to let them in, this will end badly.
Footage emerged this week of the Greek coastguard firing gunshots into the sea just metres from a dinghy full of refugees.
Thank God we are out.
No lack of Essex appeal
JOEY ESSEX paid a passionate tribute to our home county this week.
“Without Essex, Great Britain would have a serious glamour shortage,” insisted our Joey.
I felt a surge of Essex pride this week when a man in Basildon avoided being mugged at knifepoint for his Rolex by throwing the expensive watch on a nearby roof. Brilliant!
Somehow that seemed to sum up the spirit of Essex.
Although I am not sure my memories of Essex are exactly the same as Joey’s.
When I was growing up in Billericay in the Seventies, the only bright orange face you ever saw in Essex was on a space hopper.
Shame on a Maugham loser
JOLYON MAUGHAM, the barrister who battered a fox to death with a baseball bat then boasted about it on social media, will not face prosecution for his actions.
Sporting his wife’s silk kimono, the 48-year-old QC found the fox trapped in wire in his London garden on Boxing Day last year.
“Already this morning I have killed a fox with a baseball bat,” Maugham later tweeted with apparent pride. “How’s your Boxing Day going?”
The RSPCA launched an investigation but says the fox did not endure “unnecessary suffering”.
So a fox had its skull caved in with a baseball bat while terrified and tangled in wire – but it didn’t suffer?
It is worth noting that Maugham did not provoke outrage simply because he killed a fox.
What turned our stomachs was how much Jolyon seemed to enjoy it.
