HEY, just when you thought youd had enough of Harry and Meghan, guess what?
Yep, Randy Andys back in the headlines.
Speak to the FBI Andy. If you have nothing to hide, no need to worry, right? (Pictured with accuser, Virginia Roberts, and Jeffrey Epstein’s friend Ghislaine Maxwell, right)
Andrew admits he kept his friendship with paedophile sex trafficker and billionaire Jeffrey Epstein for longer than he should have. No kidding, your highness
The lumbering and bumbling Duke of York, to give him his proper title.
You have to say, 2020 is not looking like a very good year for the poor old Queen and Prince Philip.
Its shaping up to be a bit of a bugger, frankly.
And the problems with Megxit are as nothing to the crisis enfolding around the Queens supposed favourite son Andrew. He will surely find himself in court very soon.
This week a senior US attorney, Geoffrey Berman, said the prince had offered zero co-operation to the FBI and prosecutors.
This is over his friendship with the paedophile sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.
Andrew admits he kept his friendship going with this horrible financier for longer than he should.
No kidding, your highness. You still visited the bloke after he had been convicted of having sex with an underage girl. There has been no convincing explanation as to why you should have done so. Indeed, when you tried to explain it, on TV to the BBCs Emily Maitlis, you sounded both deluded and deceitful.
But theres worse, of course. With Andy, somehow, there always is.
This is Virginia Roberts. She is one of five women bringing a suit against the now dead Epstein and they want Prince Andrew to testify
He is himself accused of having sex with a 17-year-old lass procured for him by Epstein.
This is Virginia Roberts. She is one of five women bringing a suit against the now dead Epstein and they want Prince Andrew to testify.
Andy denies ever having laid a finger on Roberts. Well, OK, maybe a finger (he was pictured with his arm around her), but nowt more.
Andrew has been implicated in this grotesque scandal for a long time now. The sensible thing to have done would have been to speak to the US investigators right at the outset.
Because if youve got nothing to hide, theres nothing to worry about, is there, matey?
But Prince Andrews actions have not appeared as the actions of a man with nothing to hide. He has prevaricated at every stage. He needs to understand that just because he says he is innocent of everything, it doesnt mean everybody has to believe him, you know?
And there are plenty out there who certainly do not believe him.
Dark cloud over the Royal Family
Sources close to Prince Andrew say he is angry and bewildered over the accusation that he offered the FBI zero co-operation.
Well sure. Hes always bewildered. Hed be bewildered by a piece of paper with see other side written on both sides. Hed be sitting there trying to work it out for ages. He is not the sharpest tool in the box.
Sources close to Prince Andrew say he is ‘angry’ over the accusation that he offered the FBI zero co-operation
If youre angry and bewildered, your royal personage, then give the FBI a ring first thing tomorrow morning, US time, and tell them you are anxious to help in their inquiries.
Because until this business is sorted out, there is a dark cloud over the Royal Family. And thus a dark cloud over Britain.
The terrible suspicion is that our Royal Family is coming apart at the seams.
Once the Queen and Phil have popped their clogs, who has the dignity and fortitude to hold it all together? Charlie? God help us.
Put all of our minds at rest, Andrew. Talk to the police. And tell the truth.
Scottish smack ban
THE Scots have banned the smacking of children by their parents.
Remarkable.
Braying the bairns was a kind of national sport up there. I think people in Carlisle and Berwick could make a killing
Braying the bairns was a kind of national sport up there. I think people in Carlisle and Berwick could make a killing.
Set up special centres where Scottish mums and dads can cross the border and beat their children without fear of punishment.
You could sell special souvenir slippers or canes marked with I Came To Carlisle To Bray The Kids.
Footie talk ban is sexist
A WOMAN with an apparent IQ of a small bowl of Maltesers has demanded that firms stop men chatting about football in the workplace. Ann Francke is from the Chartered Management Institute.
She says that saying stuff like, Hey, Leeds tore our lads a new a**ehole on Tuesday night excludes women.
Ann Francke has demanded that firms stop men chatting about football in the workplace
No it doesnt! It doesnt exclude women who like football, does it? Whereas it does exclude men who couldnt give a toss about the Leeds v Millwall game.
Should we continue this sexist stereotyping and ban women from talking about Strictly or vaginal yeast infections?
What, under your regime, Ann, would people be allowed to talk about? Every subject excludes someone.
Turkey’s beast
TURKEY the worlds worst country, in my view is to introduce a marry your rapist law.
A man charged with rape will be let off scot-free if he agrees to marry his victim.
President Tayyip Erdogan has a fervent wish to drag Turkey back into the seventh century
What the woman or perhaps more usually, girl thinks about this will not be taken into consideration.
All this is part of president Tayyip Erdogan‘s fervent wish to drag Turkey back into the seventh century.
And he is having great success in his ambition.
Milk idea udderly absurd
WELCOME to the world of The Guardian, a newspaper for rich, stupid people living in North London.
In yesterdays issue they were terrified about what to put in their morning cup of tea, other than tea.
Milk is out because of greenhouse gases caused by the dairy industry. Coconut milk leads to chopping down rainforests. Almond milk is unkind to bees.
What can they do? Can I suggest dandruff? Scrape it off your head and shove it in your cup.
There was also a truly hilarious piece about wild swimming by an idiot called Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett.
She says its an elitist activity. And for rich people to pretend theyre not part of the capitalist system which drives climate change.
No, not kidding. The Guardian: A world beyond parody.
‘China is a hostile, totalitarian, Communist country’
I WONDER if our new Government has made its first big mistake.
Allowing the Chinese company Huawei a role in the development of 5G seems to me both naive and immoral.
Allowing the Chinese company Huawei a role in the development of 5G seems to me both naive and immoral
If you deal with a Chinese company the size of Huawei, you are basically dealing with the Chinese government.
And this a regime that is trying to stifle freedom of speech and democracy across its vast territory. Most obviously, in its bullying of Hong Kong.
But worse than that is its treatment of Muslim Chinese people in the west of the country. Thousands upon thousands are held in re-education camps. Not to mention their occupation of Tibet.
More pragmatically, China is a hostile, totalitarian, Communist country. The notion it will act in good faith is frankly laughable. Our vital communications network will effectively be in the hands of our enemy.
No wonder the Chinese are so anxious to make this happen.
